I'm a runner...

First things first...

1. I weighed in today.  
2. I've lost 4 more lbs since the last time I weighed in.
3. I've reached 60 lbs of weight loss total!

Now,  I need to admit something.  I suppose I need to admit it to myself more than you... but maybe admitting it to ya'll will help me believe it myself.

I feel like I should finally admit that I'm a runner.

HOWEVER, I'm not a runner in an athletic sense...

I'm more a runner from emotions.

Hence why I haven't posted for a few days/weeks.  Has it been months?

Regardless of how long it's been, I've realized that I run from anything that makes me feel emotion.  My friends, my family... even myself on occasion.

I hate feeling emotion!  Good or bad, it's exhausting.  Sometimes I wish I was a robot.

A few days ago I thought I had a "break through" wherein I was no longer afraid of "rejection".  I think this was a silly way for me to convince myself that I didn't have emotions or feelings anymore.  That I was neutral, safe, and secure.

FALSE.

I'm a woman!  Of course I have emotions.  Tidal waves of them.  And it SUCKS.

I honestly, truly, and wholeheartedly feel bad for guys.  To try to understand the female mind... is literally impossible.  We women don't even understand it!

Here's what I do know.  I'm tired of being a giant chicken!  I want to take more risks.  I want to live on the edge.  I want to make mistakes. I want to mess up.  I want to create things.  I want to break things.  I want to fix things.  I want to live.  I want to love.  I want to exist.

No one ever found happiness and success by waiting for it to fall in their lap.  I've decided that my life must be the hybrid- fusion-compilaton of a BBC Period Drama Miniseries and an Action Thriller Move.  I DEMAND it!  I want suspense, adventure, and excitement!

I do believe in fairies.  I do.  I DO.

I want my life to "hurt like heaven".  I want it to be filled with color.  I want it to be a full of memories.  I want it to be filled with emotion, good and bad... even if it is exhausting.

And with that, I leave you with a most elevating, uplifting, inspiring song.  It is in my opinion anyway...

Much love dah'lings!
~Mych