In case you didn't know... I've been in Utah for a few days. I had a job interview that happened to coincide with a random trip to visit friends. I've been carefully tracking my caloric intake & fitting in as much physical exertion as possible. I walk Effy everyday and I try to exercise when the girls are at school or at work. I'm making a conscious effort to try and take the most physical route possible because I want to be healthy (aka happy)! Just sayin.
Oh remember that birthday goal I have, to lose 75 lbs before I turn 23. Fun fact... I weighed in this morning. I've lost 4 lbs since last Wednesday! That means I've lost a total of 76 lbs. I'm still in shock. It's surreal to think when I looked at that scale this morning and was 19 lbs away from my total weight loss goal of 95 lbs.
I now fit into my goal size. I'm a size 14. I mean, I really fit in them. I'm talking about virtually no muffin-top when I wear them. They're not sitting, folded up in my closet taunting me anymore. I even bought two more pairs and have been essentially banned from wearing anything else (thank you Kylie & Kaitlyn).
Another most splendid thing happened. Two people complimented me in a way that changed my life. An extended family member who has watched my progress over the last 9 months finally learned my pant size a few weeks ago (I was a comfortable size 16), to which she exclaimed "Really!? Looking at you, I would have guessed you were my size, a 12 or 14." I know it doesn't sound like much, but it was more uplifting than you could ever imagine! I was on cloud nine for days. Then this week, while I've been staying with my friend Kylie, I've had the opportunity to spend time & make friends with her roommates. Her roommate Chelsea told me that I did NOT look my current weight. That I looked like I weighted around 160 lbs. Needless to say my jaw hit the floor. Then when I woke up and weighed in and am 19 lbs away from my goal... holy smokes. I feel pretty amazing.
I'm not going to lie about how difficult it has been to phase into the my new body. More often than not I look in the mirror and still see me 76 lbs ago. I notice every flaw, every jiggle, and every imperfection. It's frustrating and often discouraging. I often joke about being "cute" or "pretty" or "hot" just to help myself believe that I'm not completely unappealing. I know it sounds stupid and I understand that it's annoying and distasteful; hence, it's a habit I'm trying to curb. I need to remember my previous rants and diatribes. Being healthy is the goal. Feeling confident is the goal. Having sex appeal is not. This is about me, not about men. I want to be able to love everything about myself: my personality, my intellect, and my body. I want every woman to be able to feel the same way. To look in a mirror and smile, not immediately point out a problem. I need to remember that. I need to practice what I preach.
I need to focus on my opinion of myself, focus on my perception of myself, and focus on my goals. I need to accept myself, accept my flaws, accept my imperfections and love myself regardless. I need to recommit to my purpose, recommit to my goals, and most importantly recommit to myself. This is a journey of self-discovery; a conscious effort to change my life everyday. I need to focus, accept, recommit, and only then will I have real progress.
Just sayin.
Love ya dolls!
~Mych
you make me want to cry, I'm that proud of you :)
ReplyDelete