Another Timeline...

Me now!!!

Little Red Dress

So...

I have a few exciting tidbits to share today.

1. I bought my first pair of size 14 pants today!  Huzzah!  That was my goal size.  They are a little snug... but it just gives me additional incentive to lose the last bits of weight.  Plus... if I'm a 14/16 right now that means I can get LOADS smaller.  AWESOME.

2. I want a dress.  And I am thinking about purchasing this one...

Thoughts?

3. I am now, officially, moved into my room!  I have PRIVACY.  Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles! The most wonderful aspect is that my room is big enough and has enough room to entertain visitors/guests.  Now I just need to find a few people who can stand me enough to come over.

4. I'm feeling much better emotionally.  Crazy thing, I've been doing something I haven't done in a very long time.  Praying.  I've noticed that it is helping.  It is helping a lot.  I feel a lot more patient, and relaxed.  I also don't feel as lonely or lost anymore.  I guess, overall, I just feel happier.  Funny how God can help you not feel so alone.

5. I've been thinking a lot about the fact that I'm single.  Yeah, what else is new.  But I'm glad I am.  I was wishing earlier that I was brave.  I wanted to believe that I could put myself out there, that I could really show guys I was interested in that I was interested in them!  But alas... I'm a giant chicken.  And that's ok.  Because I'm really ok with being patient.  Maybe it's all the soul searching I've done over the past 72 hours, but I really mean it this time.  I'm oddly ok with the fact that no guys are attracted to /want me, because it's only for right now.  I won't be single forever.  I have goals and aspirations and they'll come to pass in time.  I need to learn to be patient and I need to finish working on changing to become the ideal me.  I'm a hot mess right now, I don't blame any guys for not wanting to step in this hot mess (even if it is a hawt hot mess).  I've been listening to people whine and complain about people cheating on them, wandering eyes, how difficult life is, and how they can't find anyone that embodies all the qualities that they want.  I find it interesting that people are so busy worrying about what they want, they forget that they might not have all the qualities that other people want... Isn't it ironic?  Hahaha.  So mayhaps, if I work on being a better person, eventually some poor shmuck will think I'm the bees knees.  Love is a choice.  I honestly and whole heartily believe this.  Attraction is not, but love is.  This life is all about making choices.  We get to choose who we want to love, who we want to be with, and who our life companion will be. AWESOME.   


Life is awesome.  


And so are you my dah'lings!


I love you.


~Mych

I'm a runner...

First things first...

1. I weighed in today.  
2. I've lost 4 more lbs since the last time I weighed in.
3. I've reached 60 lbs of weight loss total!

Now,  I need to admit something.  I suppose I need to admit it to myself more than you... but maybe admitting it to ya'll will help me believe it myself.

I feel like I should finally admit that I'm a runner.

HOWEVER, I'm not a runner in an athletic sense...

I'm more a runner from emotions.

Hence why I haven't posted for a few days/weeks.  Has it been months?

Regardless of how long it's been, I've realized that I run from anything that makes me feel emotion.  My friends, my family... even myself on occasion.

I hate feeling emotion!  Good or bad, it's exhausting.  Sometimes I wish I was a robot.

A few days ago I thought I had a "break through" wherein I was no longer afraid of "rejection".  I think this was a silly way for me to convince myself that I didn't have emotions or feelings anymore.  That I was neutral, safe, and secure.

FALSE.

I'm a woman!  Of course I have emotions.  Tidal waves of them.  And it SUCKS.

I honestly, truly, and wholeheartedly feel bad for guys.  To try to understand the female mind... is literally impossible.  We women don't even understand it!

Here's what I do know.  I'm tired of being a giant chicken!  I want to take more risks.  I want to live on the edge.  I want to make mistakes. I want to mess up.  I want to create things.  I want to break things.  I want to fix things.  I want to live.  I want to love.  I want to exist.

No one ever found happiness and success by waiting for it to fall in their lap.  I've decided that my life must be the hybrid- fusion-compilaton of a BBC Period Drama Miniseries and an Action Thriller Move.  I DEMAND it!  I want suspense, adventure, and excitement!

I do believe in fairies.  I do.  I DO.

I want my life to "hurt like heaven".  I want it to be filled with color.  I want it to be a full of memories.  I want it to be filled with emotion, good and bad... even if it is exhausting.

And with that, I leave you with a most elevating, uplifting, inspiring song.  It is in my opinion anyway...

Much love dah'lings!
~Mych

It's been a LONG time...

Sorry loyal followers.  I know it has been a very long time since I last posted.  Please forgive me.  The house is nearing completion and it will be much easier to write when I have my own privacy...

So I'm planning on weighing in Friday... or Monday... cross your fingers for me.  I'll blog a good long bit to catch ya'll up on my life at that time.

Much Love,
~Mych