Overly Ambitious?

My dah'lings! Long time no chat, I know. I continue to fail you in respects to the blog... However I'm not failing y'all or myself when it comes to working out. I've gotten myself a gym membership and I've been hitting the gym regularly (5 times a week) at 4:30am. It's taken some serious dedication and has put a near end to my social life during the week, but I more than compensate on the weekends. Er... I try to make up for it on the weekends. Who wants a summary of my weekly schedule? Probably not you, but you're about to get it anyway. Yeah, I'm that thoutful. Let's start on Mondays. I try to love Monday's. I started inspirational Mondays on the blog (I've missed a few I know) so Mondays weren't such a buzz kill. So on Monday, I wake up at 4:20 and head to the gym. I work out for an hour and a half or so, I go home, I eat breakfast and take my supplements. I get ready for work. I go to work. I go home for lunch and check on Effy. I go back to work. The I go home at 5pm. I make dinner. I clean (if I'm not obscenely exhausted) and then I go to my church's Monday night activity. Wahoo. Then I come home and go to bed. Tuesday, I'm awake and to the gym again, before the butt crack of dawn. Then I do it all over again. Only Tuesday nights are dedicated to cleaning, maybe dinner with a friend, and then. To bed. Wednesday's I do the same thing, only the Wednesday night activity is usually a religious class called Institute. Thursday I start all over, only Thursday nights activity is a game night at my church. Also another night I have dedicated to cleaning. I'm a bit of a clean freak. Ask anyone who knows me. Friday I start the cruel cycle one more time. Only, Friday nights are dedicated to my virtually nonexistent dating life. So I usually end up eating dinner with a friend and going to a movie. Saturday I sleep in until about 8am. Then it's clean the apartment, go to the laundromat, and go grocery shopping. Maybe clothes shopping too if I've budgeted carefully. Oh! Saturday's are also balance my budget and pay bills day. In addition to whatever fun activity I've been made aware of through church and social circles. Sunday I sleep in again, then wake up, take Effy for a brief walk, bake a treat, get ready for church, go to church, come home, eat dinner, go to one more church activity, and then to bed. And then I start it all over again on Monday. I think I may be just a tad overly ambitious with my weekly schedule. I've noticed I'm developing constant tension headaches, I'm always exhausted, and I'm oddly... unfulfilled. I'm not discontent or anything... But I'm not remotely happy either. My brain is in a constant state of panic and worry. It's got to stop. I recently had dinner with a girlfriend of mine who has helped validate my feelings and perceptions regarding my current situation. So here is what I've decided... I need to make some changes, establish some boundaries, and chill the eff out. I'm starting this weekend. Who would like to hear my master plan? I know, no. But you're going to hear it anyway. On Friday, I'm going to go buy myself a nice little nightie, some candles, some bath salts, some good ol' chick flicks, some luxurious chocolate delicacies, and a few other select nickknacks. I'm going to go home, I'm going to clean my apartment, I'm going to lock the door. I'm going to turn off my cell phone. I'm going to put on some relaxing music and take a long, candle lit bubble bath, read a book, watch some tear eliciting movies, eat what I want (yeah, I'm not calorie counting this weekend) and have some quality turn-my-brain-off-and-relax personal time. I'm not answering my door. I'm not going to social network, I'm not even going to text, which says a lot because I'm an avid texter. I'm having a completely selfish, personal, back-the-eff-off-world weekend. It's all about me this weekend. I'm doing what it takes to make myself happy, to make myself feel good. Everything - my outfits, my hair, my makeup... I'm doing everything how, when, why, and where I want to for as long as I want to. Win. Ive been stretching myself so thin for the past 5 weeks that I'm not sure I remember how to relax anymore. But I need to. I want to rediscover calmness, sanity, serenity, quietness, and reaffirm my personal space. And I won't lie, I need to spend some time rediscovering me. What I like and don't like, what makes me appealing and sexy. I've been so crazy involved that I've noticed I'm becoming bitter that nothing is happening in my love life and as such nasty old shut-down, shut-out, be mean to boys, be afraid and lack confidence habits have been returning. I hope this weekend will help realign me with the qualities and changes I've made over the past year. The self-assured, confident, intelligent, independent, and fun Mychal needs to catch her breath and come back full force on Monday. I need to just stop running everywhere all the time. I need to stop worring,stop pressuring myself, stop expecting so much from myself, from life, and from others. Thats sh*t the old me did, sh*t the new me does NOT want to reintroduce to my life. I need to relax. I need to breathe. And I'm going too. And I encourage you to too. If need be. Hell,if you have any suggestions, any ideas, advice, insight, or need a pep talk... let me know! :) And next week, I promise I will do an inspirational thought on Monday, and a summary of my self-devoted weekend. We'll see how much it helped rejuvenate and center me. See if it got me back on track for continued personal progress, emotionally, mentally, and physically. I love you all immensely. I miss talking to you more regularly, let's work on that yes? Y'all need to keep emailing me. You're all relatively aware of my life, but I feel disconnected. So shoot me some emails and tweets dolls! Much love! Mych